Hello all

the last few weeks have been rough ones.

sometimes I have the feeling that' I'm loosing faith in my frends, [the ones here in town not the forum], in the old days we used to go out and have fun but that seems to have changed dramaticly...

they only do what they want and now I'm getting the feeling that 'm loosing my faith in my friends they go out with others even my best bud does this , what is going on I can't even ask them this it would creat the biggest racket around.

Sometimes I wish I have jumped earlier, and this is just a small part that adds to the pile of troublness, flashbacks of  '87-'88 incident are also repeating and if my friends kinda dump me this way I don't even know what to do, tehy only seem to do only what they want to I suppose I should either make a jump and end everything or live as a loner.

Some of you do know about the '87 - '88 Incident, life was hell back then and when you think that yer loos'n the faith in your friends, when you need them the most, things couldn't get worse.

If there are questions about this horriffic Incident I am willing to explain, even how hard that will be.

Is there a way to fix this mental problem , I'm not sure anymore, I have the feeling That I will make that jump one day and that is something I can't do just to affraid at some certain points.

Well man, life takes some strange turns sometimes. Don't know what happened in 87-88 and it's something that I don't feel like I know you well enough to ask but it's times like this that sometimes you have to let stuff go and move on. Maybe it's different friends, maybe it's going out doing stuff with people you work with more, maybe it's taking one or two of your closet friends and tell everyone else to piss off but going down on your self that hard isn't the way to do things. Just another phase of life, that's all.

See, things change in life. On Sept 9th I had a heart attack (very mild but still). On the way to hospital I'm laying in the ambulance (?) going "Sh*t, I'm 33 I've got a 4 1/2 year old daughter and I'm a VEGITARIAN for crying out loud. How the hell can I be having a heart attack?!?!" It's major things that happen in life, even the minor things, that make you wonder where things are going, what have you done that will make a difference, make something else happen.

What ever happened back then and what ever is going on now, maybe this is just your time to make a change, that's all. Life is all about experiences, some good- some not so good but you have to plow through it. You might sometimes land on your ass, but with out making changes along the way, you'll never know what else is out there or what you could be missing.

Find something positive to focus on, people sometimes dwell too much on the negative aspects of life.

Well Now That I have read all of your replies my friends, you are right I have to keep away from the Dark Side on move on to the Light.

Maybe I have underestimated them sometimes myself, they have done lots of good things for me that is true, cause of those dreams that have inflicted me to do so, some dreams can look so real, while they are not, that the danger of the Dark Side, I must avoid that from draining me. Dreams do pass in time so will ours.

Thanx to you poeple I have gained some possitive strength, and have released from this Dark Sided and Isolated feeling from within.

yeah.you must focus on the positive stuff.I' going through something difficult right now as well (something that has the capability of ruining my life if it goes very wrong),but it has actually helped me to realize that life is (was) not that bad and I want to live it no matter what happens,and no matter how bad it may seem.because things will get better.sooner or later 

mostly it depends on the situation it's self Lux and the way things are now are rather different than they should be.

Anyways I hope everything will turn back the way it was, I feel like that's i'm in another demension.

Well I gave my mate a call today and everything is okay so that's the upside, I call it an Improvement.

I know the Path Of The Dark Side, but I didn't go into it totally  Otherwise I wouldn't be here now, I would of jumped, but becuase of this fantastic place that also helped me and made me stay alive by not jumping.

Too many good souls here and I'm very thankfull for all of you.

Like Sting says:

"Be Yourself No Matter What They Say"

Tekst is from "Englishman in New York".

I did that and that also made me not from doing it it would be pointless for myself , for them and even at that point, the forum also gave me a pull to the Light Side and that made not from doing it, there are crighte sides of life but sometimes even they are hard to get to.